Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
