I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
