are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
