So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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