her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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