I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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