Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
