I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
