I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize