Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
