the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize