i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
