I wish I could punch you in the face.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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