How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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