Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
