if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
