apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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