In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
