I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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