Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
