If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
