why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
