Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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