A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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