i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
