sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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