foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
