Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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