hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The air was thick with penises
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
