I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
