everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
