Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
