my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
