it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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