any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
