I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
