I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
