Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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