According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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