Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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