I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
