we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
