whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
