oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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