I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
