kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
