my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
