i think my tv is drunk
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
