Non-Jews are for practice
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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