Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
