you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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