I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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