Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
