Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
