Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
