So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
