I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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