Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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