4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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