WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions