i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible