We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette