Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My cat gives me a boner
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here