Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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