Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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