its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
