So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
