Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
