So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
