Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Randomize
