I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
