Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
