She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
