FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
