take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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