Umm I'm too high to move.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
