Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
