Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
wow bdsm is so cute
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
