If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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