I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
