we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
