Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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